As I've mentioned before, I'm called to be an evangelist. God has revealed to me little at a time what His plan for my life is. He is still showing me things along and along. The thing is I haven't always known what I was chosen for. I knew that I was called to more than just the norm, but I also was very unsure about my future.
For what seemed like forever, I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. I longed and hungered and worried over God's will for my life. I was dying to know the Lord's thoughts and intentions for me. Then, my youth group attended the Forward conference with Jentezen Franklin. I could feel it was going to be a good conference before I even showed up. The conference was amazing, but there was one message given by Matthew Barnett that really stuck with me. He spoke from Proverbs 3:5 (I still have the notes!)
He spoke some on not looking for your cause, your cause will find you. That's when it hit me! I had been trying for so long to find God's plan for my life that I hadn't waited on Him to reveal it to me. I wanted so bad for God to use me that I hadn't been concerned about Hid timing!
So, I left it at that. I gave my worry and my desire of knowing His plans for my life to Him and decided to wait.
On Being Mormon
I've spent my entire life searching for something more. I’ve never found it in any other church. I'd come, I'd go. Everyone just seemed to gloss over the gospel. Jesus loves you and that's it, go in peace. It was a little too easy and I always felt something was missing.
When I moved across the street from my neighbors I'd see them leave for church every Sunday. I'd see missionaries coming over to their house and think "what are they doing? Those people are already Mormon! They're wasting their time! Why aren't they at my door?" I'd wait outside hoping just to catch a glimpse of their happy perfect family. My heart grew envious. They had it all. No they didn't have a huge house or a fancy car. But they had it all. They had everything that mattered and I wanted some of it. Even if it was just a little bit. I feel like my heart had been longing for this church for a long time, but when my mother and I bought our home and it was in my face every day, it was almost unbearable. What made them so different than me? Or more deserving of such happiness? The only difference between us that I could come up with was the fact that they were Mormon. I could no deny the fact that the Holy Spirit was reaching out to me and this was something I needed to take action on.
I went to the website and waited. Nothing. I became so frustrated. Didn’t they understand that this was something I needed in my life? What was so wrong with me that nothing was happening? One day, I ran into a young man at the Wal-Mart in his missionary attire. I pretty much took all my frustration out on him. I basically yelled at him, “Why haven't I got my book of Mormon yet and why aren't there missionaries knocking on my door!?" The poor guy stood there shocked and politely took down my address and phone number. I thought to myself, "Now I'm definitely not getting any missionaries."
The next week, I swindled my mother and my uncle into going to St George. It was a short day trip and they had a Cracker Barrel so that was a pretty easy sell to my mother. But the one thing I really wanted to do was check out the Brigham Young winter home. I heard that missionaries gave the tours and I promised myself I'd be nicer this time. Although in the back of my mind I thought, "I probably already blacklisted, but let's give it a try. If nothing else, I get to see a cool old house and at this point I really have nothing to lose." This sweet old lady gave us a tour of the old house and that's when I finally received my book of Mormon. She also took down my information to pass along to missionaries. I doubted any would ever show since I was so mean to the one boy, but I was at least happy I got the book.
However to my surprise, and despite my lack of patience, God did send some missionaries my way. And because He knows all things and has perfect timing he sent me the most perfect ladies I could ask for. Ladies that loved me before they even knew me. It was pure perfect sisterly love and acceptance. And this is the most amazing journey I've ever been on. I've never felt more at home than in the Mormon Church or when I'm surrounded by all of my sisters in Christ. I've never felt more at peace or more accepted. Or more loved. My heart is joyous every time I come here. I know that God has chosen me to be here now because maybe I wasn't up for the challenge before. Or maybe my missionaries weren't ready for me yet.