A couple of days ago, the Lord was dealing with my heart about some hard feelings I had against someone. I didn't realize the hard feelings were even there until He brought them to my attention. I knew I had a problem with being sort of not nice when this person was around, but I never thought anything more of it. When He started dealing with my heart I wasn't even quiet sure what it was that was wrong with me. So, I went to my room and I had a heart to heart talk with God. I knew something was wrong in my soul, but I wasn't sure. As I talked with Him, He began showing me exactly what was wrong in my spirit. I had stored up harsh feelings toward someone and I didn't even realize it. I prayed to God asking Him to forgive me for having those feelings and not seeing them before. I asked God to take away those harsh feeling toward that person. I realized after asking for the harsh feelings to be removed that I needed to confront that person and let them know what had happened. I had a talk with this person and I let them know I had those hard feeling towards them. I asked them to pray with me and we talked about how to make our relationship better. After that, I felt totally different. Those chains of bondage from holding that grudge against that person fell off of me. I felt free and my soul was at peace.
Getting angry at one another is a part of being human. Even Jesus Christ got angry! The Bible says,
When we get mad at people we have to make sure we don' harvest those feelings and bury them deep down inside until it becomes a bondage that we have to have broken off through prayer and fasting. If you are upset or angry at someone, go ahead be angry but, remember to also forgive that person.
“I am as My servant’s opinion of Me.” (Bukhari)
“Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (swt) probably hates me. I am so bad; I always mess up. I don’t deserve any good from Allah (swt), and as punishment, I probably will not be given success in my other endeavors.”
How many people have felt this way at some point? Sometimes, our sins weigh heavily on us. We recognize our mistakes but instead of turning back to Allah (swt), we turn away. We feel that we must be so bad that even the All-Merciful will reject us. Other times, we do not see the fruits of our perseverance and believe that we will not be given what we have worked so hard for. Perhaps we do not even begin an endeavor, thinking there is no use.
Unfortunately, when we do this, we attribute human qualities to Allah (swt). We act as if Allah (swt) has some grudge against us that will heal as soon as He punishes us or rejects one of our requests. We act as though Allah (swt) is just waiting for us to slip up and say “Ha! Caught you!” We assume that we have to “deserve” the mercy of Allah by being almost perfect. This sounds absurd when articulated, but our actions unfortunately indicate that we believe otherwise.
What does this thought process actually tell us about ourselves? It tells us that we did not really have hope in Him to begin with. Rather, our hope was in what we believed to be our own good deeds or abilities. Once we slip up or feel that we do not have the strength to continue, we do not think well enough of Allah (swt) to believe that He will guide us through. We must understand that when we think well of Allah, that is what we will find.