Busan: Year One

February 2012- February 2013

Spring semester classes ended and my self-imposed schedule was now empty. The only other thing I was doing was a salsa class. I was there to dance, not hook up so I didn't mind that it was mostly sweaty foreign men and old ladies. But like most times when you go to a social event without the intention of hooking up, I did. I hadn't had sex with a grad student since I lost my virginity, and wouldn't you know it, one of the two fuckables in my class was here for her master's in Mech. E. My school is renowned for its engineering programs so this wasn't uncommon. It was our two commonalities that were interesting:

1. She was from Busan, and I would be going there in a month.

2. She had an oral fixation, and I had an erection.

My gyopo friends told me Korean women are generally prude, and besides that, guys who aren't handsome, tall and rich have a hard time getting anywhere with them. Finding myself balls deep in a Korean vagina before I even left America was the last thing I expected.

The best part about meeting her wasn't the dancing or the sex, but the networking. She introduced me to her ex-boyfriend through Skype. He turned out to be an incredibly nice guy so when I got to Busan I already had a Korean welcoming party waiting for me. To this day, we're still friends (not the girl, she moved on to other penises), and he has been invaluable in teaching me about Koreans and their culture. My first impression of a Korean vagina was not about its taste or tautness. Mostly I was just surprised at how many dividends it paid out.

Unexpected sexual encounters became the theme of my first year in Busan. Not at first, because my initial friends here consisted of a chaste gay man and an alcoholic misandrist. But as I spent more time with Europeans my social life became raunchier, livelier. Today, I still prefer the company of Britons, because they are not as quick to take offense nor cast judgment as Americans do. British sex banter is without a trace of taboo or shame, and what could be funnier or more interesting than tales of conquests and mishaps?

This will never be a sex blog, but it will always be an honest one. In all honesty, the most interesting experiences I, as well as my friends had this year revolved around sex. I think we may have been four of the five sluttiest people and accounted for 20% of the total Gross Domestic Pussy consumed out of our incoming class. It's possible that I've left out a dark horse or some other closet slut- I am far removed from the gossip of our incestuous Busan EPIK class. But unless there's a sneaky girl out there who spent the year sucking dicks into the double digits, I don't think I'm off the mark.

I did not think my sex life in Korea would turn out this way for a multitude of reasons:

1. I am an infrequent drinker, in a country that enjoys soju at all hours of the day in the absence of other intoxicants.

2. I have little experience flirting with girls at drinking establishments, let alone taking them home.

3. I was told that Koreans are generally prude like most Oriental cultures.

4. I was also told they are not especially fond of my ethnicity.

But to my surprise, a third of the women I've fucked in my life, I hooked up with in 2012. Seven of them were of Korean ethnicity. Of those, five were of Korean nationality, one was French and one was American. The French adoptee and the American gyopo were also the oldest, as well as the worst in bed. Here is the data in pie graph form:

And now expressed as a Venn diagram:

“It's a fun job, but it's still a job.”- Sen Dog

No job is without it's cons, especially if you are econ-minded and consider opportunity costs. The value of my degree has depreciated after a year of not gaining relevant skills or experience. I don't even think I improved substantially as a quasi-teacher. I wish I had, but at least in the absence of career development, I ate a lot of chicken and vagina while losing weight and banking ten grand along the way. I visited three new countries, two of which I enjoyed so much that I intend to go back every year. I even got a new set of eyes that cost me a third of what it would in the US.

For me, 2012 was not a year of achievement. It was in many ways a continuation of 2011, only I made a lot more money, and I did it legally. I gained some experience here and there, but mainly it was a year of indulgence. The fastest rats in the race will look down on me and tell me that I should get a real job in the real world. But I saved $12,000 USD this year, got a 20% raise, double my vacation for next year, and worked a hell of a lot less than you. But I will respect your belief that there is inherent virtue in hard work, and I am not so egotistical to take such condescension personally. Meanwhile, I expect in my retirement to reminisce over the things I did in my twenties, not the hours I worked or the things I bought.