If you haven't read my first post, "Beady Blue Eyes," I suggest you look through that first, as this is the second installment and will make much more sense if you do so.
I texted Beady Blue Eyes when I was home for Christmas. I wanted to get some sort of closure since we stopped talking cold-turkey five months ago. I told him I wanted to hang out and catch up. With a minimal amount of persuasion, he agreed to take me on a drive like he used to do.
He picked me up at my mom's house. We drove and talked, parked and talked, for four hours. We talked about our "relationship" and other things. Random things. Politics, knee caps, icicles.
Then after a long pause he said, "I feel like that five months never happened. Like we picked up right where we were." After I agreed he said, "And it's weird because I keep thinking I should kiss you 'cause..."
"That's what feels natural," I finished for him.
But we refrained and agreed it wouldn't be a good idea.
Still, it reappeared in the conversation a number of times:
"You were a good kisser," he said, "but it's been too long, so I can't give you my stamp of approval."
"I haven't even gotten the chance to break in the back seat of my new car," he said, and I laughed it off as if it was a silly remark. In reality, it made me slightly uncomfortable.
I had no intention of our lips reuniting. Honestly, I just wanted to see his eyes again, but in the dark of the night I couldn't identify their cool blue color. I started to wonder if they were blue at all...
He kept doing things that I remember him doing, things that I thought were adorable. He sang along loudly with his music even though he was so off key that he had me convinced he had written his own song. He lifted up my chin with the middle knuckle of his index finger, something that I used to thing was annoying but learned to love. Above all, his boyish grin had my insides all confused about what this rendezvous was for.
My heart started to float on the punchlines of his bad jokes, and my brain started to forget the lessons I learned from him.
When he pulled up to my house at three in the morning after our reminiscing, I opened the door but hesitated my exit... "Well... Here I go... I'm going now... This is me leaving the vehicle... So.... This is your last chance..."
He yanked the sleeve of my jacket and pulled me into a warm kiss, despite the cold breeze from the door I left swung open. Our lips instantly remembered each other. They needed no small talk or awkward silences to reconnect. They didn't participate in any 'how have you been's or 'I like your new hair cut's. Our lips found each other as if they had never been apart.
We started to pull away, but only just. My exhale was his inhale. His carbon dioxide was my oxygen. If we had only stopped here... How perfect would that have been... I fell, spinning into a whirlpool of Beady Blue Eyes' kisses. His hands clutched my face but eventually found their way to my rear end. Next stop: up my shirt.
This wasn't right. I knew that. We should have stopped with the kiss that left my entire body nostalgic for those last months of high school, but I didn't let him stop. Because in that moment I felt the closest to being in love in... Ever.
As he got more excited, I became out of it. Wanting it to be over, faking pleasure for the sake of his ego. His hand found mine. For a second or two our fingers twisted around each other in an act of adoration, but his quickly took a detour back to my butt.
Then, I just got annoyed. While he took off his sweatshirt, I decided I didn't want to see his nipples tonight even if he already had gotten a full view of mine. Before he removed his t-shirt I said, "We should stop."
And we did.
He mentioned we could continue hanging out whenever I was in town and that just maybe an incident like this would occasionally happen. I don't want it to, though.
In that moment I realized my feelings for Beady Blue eyes should have been left on our high school gym floor after he rejected my request to make out in the bouncy house at our graduation party (which he said he regretted by the way), but they weren't. Seeing him didn't rekindle lost feelings, but it did remind me of where he stands in my heart:
He was my one real high school boyfriend...ish.... thing. I wasn't and never will be in love with him. I will never date him again. Yet, his title could never be altered into something else, something new... not even "high school fling turned pal" or "blast from the past make-out buddy." Where he stands in my heart and in my memories will be a difficult thing to change, meaning that I am not sure we could ever be friends again..
"You kissed me after I got my wisdom teeth out," Beady Blue Eyes said, "I thought that was really sweet."
If nothing was actually resolved from that night, at least I got to hear him say that.